Homeland does Pakistan

Thrilled to hear that Carrie is headed to Pakistan for the next season of Homeland, at least according to the trailer. Excited to find out whether her experiences here tally with mine. I imagine the opening going something like this:

A phone rings.

Carrie: Hello, Istanbul Station.

Raymondo Davieso (senior CIA figure in Langley): Hello Carrie, how are you settling in?

C: OK. Istanbul is….

R: Great. Excellent. Never mind that. We need a full report on what the Pakistani military is up to, how it is backing the Taliban and suchlike.

C: But I’m in Istanbul.

R. Exactly. Fast as you can.

C: I know nothing about Pakistan.

R: Er imagine the people you are writing the report for know nothing about it either. And we’ve sent you a disguise.

Cut to a figure draped in a blue burqa sitting in a smart Islamabad restaurant eating sushi, awkwardly, being stared at by every other customer wondering why she’s wearing a burqa.

Episode 2

ISI chief arrives at CIA station, Islamabad. With a welcome gift of a box of mangoes. Prompting panic and confusion.

Episode 3

Carrie chases down key Taliban figure. Is plied with samosas, milky tea and chicken haandi, rendering her rather sleepy and unable to concentrate for the rest of the afternoon.

Episode 4

Carrie tracks down feared alleged terror leader in Lahore by calling his press officer. Has dinner with him but is asked not to report back to Langley that he uses Heinz Tomato Ketchup. Carrie complains of indigestion.

Episode 5

Carrie intercepts key militant handler as he arrives at US embassy to check progress of his visa application. Carrie explains that she can’t help with that sort of thing. It’s a different department. He takes her to Peshawar because you can get better lamb there.

Episode 6

Carrie is helicoptered out after medics diagnose the early stages of diabetes.

Episode 7

CIA gives up. Resorts to drones again.

NB: I will watch every episode, completely gripped, while complaining about deficiencies in the plot and the poor depiction of Pakistan.

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