Face fattening surgery: Is this a thing now?

So, I get in the taxi, and the following slightly disorientating conversation took place:


Taxi Bloke (TB): Do protein shakes work?

Me: Uh?

TB: Do they work?

Me: Uh, I don’t really…

TB: I’m drinking them but they aren’t making any difference.

Me: Uh, I don’t really…

TB: Do they work? Do you drink them *looks across at me*

Me: I don’t know. I don’t really have the need, you know.

TB: So what do you drink?

Me: What? Most things, I guess. What do you mean?

TB: You know, at the gym *looks at me again* To put on weight.

Me: Well, I just try to eat a normal diet. I’ve never had a protein shake.

TB: But I need to put on weight.

Me: You look in good shape to me. I wish I could lose a few pounds, as it happens.

TB: My face is too thin.

Me: Eh? *look across at his face, which indeed is, now you come to mention, quite long and thin* It looks fine to me. Anyway, you should be pleased you are slim and in good shape.

TB: My face is too thin. This is what my fiancé says.

Me: Oh.

TB: She won’t marry me if my face isn’t fatter. 

Me: Oh. Well, I wouldn’t worry about that.

TB: So what do you drink.

Me: *rapport established, it’s time for a gag* Well beer I find to be best for putting on weight. Why don’t you try that.

TB: *speechless, looks horrified*

Me: That was a joke. Sorry.

TB: Oh. But I must put on weight.

Me: It will come. Trust me. Maybe in 20 years.

TB: My fiancé won’t marry me. 

Me: I’m sure she’ll come round.

TB: She wants me to go to India

Me: India?

TB: Yes, to make my face fat.

Me: What, you think the food there will help?

TB: No, they have the plastic…. what do you call it?

Me: Surgery?

TB: Yes. She wants me to go to India.

Me: Hang on. So your fiancé wants you to go to India to have face-fattening plastic surgery otherwise she won’t marry you?

TB: Yes.

At this point we arrive at my destination.


Later that day the same taxi bloke picks me up:

TB: So what are you doing?

Me: Well, I had an interesting briefing…

TB: No, why are you talking to other taxi drivers about me?

Me: Eh?

TB: You told them all about the plastic surgery in India…




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