So, I get in the taxi, and the following slightly disorientating conversation took place:
Taxi Bloke (TB): Do protein shakes work?
Me: Uh?
TB: Do they work?
Me: Uh, I don’t really…
TB: I’m drinking them but they aren’t making any difference.
Me: Uh, I don’t really…
TB: Do they work? Do you drink them *looks across at me*
Me: I don’t know. I don’t really have the need, you know.
TB: So what do you drink?
Me: What? Most things, I guess. What do you mean?
TB: You know, at the gym *looks at me again* To put on weight.
Me: Well, I just try to eat a normal diet. I’ve never had a protein shake.
TB: But I need to put on weight.
Me: You look in good shape to me. I wish I could lose a few pounds, as it happens.
TB: My face is too thin.
Me: Eh? *look across at his face, which indeed is, now you come to mention, quite long and thin* It looks fine to me. Anyway, you should be pleased you are slim and in good shape.
TB: My face is too thin. This is what my fiancé says.
Me: Oh.
TB: She won’t marry me if my face isn’t fatter.
Me: Oh. Well, I wouldn’t worry about that.
TB: So what do you drink.
Me: *rapport established, it’s time for a gag* Well beer I find to be best for putting on weight. Why don’t you try that.
TB: *speechless, looks horrified*
Me: That was a joke. Sorry.
TB: Oh. But I must put on weight.
Me: It will come. Trust me. Maybe in 20 years.
TB: My fiancé won’t marry me.
Me: I’m sure she’ll come round.
TB: She wants me to go to India
Me: India?
TB: Yes, to make my face fat.
Me: What, you think the food there will help?
TB: No, they have the plastic…. what do you call it?
Me: Surgery?
TB: Yes. She wants me to go to India.
Me: Hang on. So your fiancé wants you to go to India to have face-fattening plastic surgery otherwise she won’t marry you?
TB: Yes.
At this point we arrive at my destination.
Later that day the same taxi bloke picks me up:
TB: So what are you doing?
Me: Well, I had an interesting briefing…
TB: No, why are you talking to other taxi drivers about me?
Me: Eh?
TB: You told them all about the plastic surgery in India…
