The following email reaches me this morning with devastating news:
This is to inform you that transmission of Star World Channel has been suspended on orders of Pakistan Electronic Media Regularity Authority (PEMRA). The reason for suspension is transmission of blasphemous content on the channel. Please note that the channel will remain blocked until further orders from PEMRA.
We appreciate your patience and understanding in this regard. Please feel free to contact our technical support department for any further information at email@example.com or call UAN: 111 11 44 44.
Now, Masterchef Australia certainly excites intense emotions in this house – but blasphemous?
How now will I know if Alice, with the extraordinary glasses and the irritating manner, makes best use of her immunity pin? Will the ice queen Julia finally snap – like one of her sodding tuiles – exposing her human side as she mismeasures five grammes of dark chocolate? Will Ben throttle control-freak Debra before or after she explains why her family life has not yet been mentioned? Will Matt Moran ever get his voice back? Will Kylie find love? Will George find a pair of shoes that means he doesn’t have to rock back and forth on his heels? Will Matt Preston explode, leaving nothing but a trace of paisley cravat? Will the adverts eventually outlast the programme itself?
Now I’ll never know. Come on people, this blasphemy stuff is getting out of hand.
My extensive investigations, well a call to the Pakistan Electronic Media Regulatory Authority, have uncovered the shocking truth behind the Masterchef Australia ban. According to the regulator’s spokesman Star World has been taken down because it broadcast an interview with Sir Salman Rushdie. He didn’t know who Sir Salman was – “I think he’s an Iranian” – nor had he seen the interview himself, or what its contents were, but he assured me that various religious leaders had complained.
If you want to read the controversial interview, it is available here.
And if you find anything blasphemous be sure to let me know (or by all means attack an irrelevant target).
Star World is back. Phew