You Know You Have Been a Mzungu in Kenya Too Long When…

  1. “Very OK” has become a standard response to a variety of questions
  2. Matatus are no longer a welcome bit of colour on the roads. They are a pain in the arse
  3. You have stopped picking out politicians who might be Kenya’s best hope
  4. You can’t remember the last time you filled your car’s petrol tank. 1000bob will do you just fine
  5. You don’t need to look at the Java House menu any more. You know it off by heart
  6. You prefer White Cap to Tusker, even though there is no discernible difference
  7. You have an idea for a business that involves either beads or safari holidays
  8. You have learned enough Swahili to say, “Come here,” “Mow the lawn,” and “No, not like that.”
  9. You visit any new restaurant in Nairobi within a week of it opening
  10. If you knocked down a small child in your car, you know you wouldn’t stop. Unless it was white

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